About two weeks ago my significant other threw me a surprise 40th birthday party. Despite subtle clues I should have recognized she needn’t have worried—I hadn’t a clue. (They said I actually frowned at first, a telling sign—Ratatosk tends to frown at true surprises.)
It was a great party. Many friends and close family were there and once I relaxed (about an hour in) I had a spectacular time. A lot of folks worked hard to make a great day of it, and it showed. (I thank folks for all the wonderful prezzies as well, key among them the great Phil Gordon book on Hold ‘Em from Schizo and new figs from Markus! Woo hoo! I also ended up with enough gift certificates for Barnes & Noble that if I used them all in one drop I’d need a wheelbarrow to haul away my purchases…)
I didn’t want to celebrate my fortieth. I considered my forties a time when I truly had reached Middle Age, and I still haven’t reached a great many goals I set for myself long ago. It’s the time when you start thinking more about what you can manage instead what’s only dreamt of, what you can afford instead of what you want, and other such subtleties that totally conflict with my dreamer nature. I want to have my options open. I still want the choice of being a fireman, teacher, author, or astronaut, dammit, and I don’t like Father Time weighing in on me. (I’ve actually passed the age were I can apply to be a fireman or policeman in New Jersey, the state’s rather insulting way of saying I’m past it.) I often think hard now when listening to the Pink Floyd song on Dark Side of the Moon (wanna guess which one?) and the upcoming birthday was really starting to depress me. So I told A I didn’t want any big celebration. No party, and no surprises!
Luckily she didn’t listen. I now have a great memory and the day served as a great reminder that I have people that care about me, and I am terrifically blessed. The death of Nick at such a young age (see my very first post to this blog) was also a wake-up call—something that reminded me to enjoy every minute. I reached some goals, most recently this May with the publication of a RPG supplement I authored, something I’ve always wanted to do (and moreover known I could do if I really worked at it) and more lie within reach if I am willing to stretch for the brass ring a bit.
I’m not going to dread my forties any longer; I’m going to embrace them. Damn the touches of grey in my hair and twitches in my back when I work out at the gym! Many great things lie ahead, and I’ve been fortunate in more ways than I can count. I going to make my forties sing like a canary.
